Some clarity and peace
Friday, September 9, 2011 by The Traveler
I had forgotten the power of just being able to put things down in writing can be therapeutic in and of itself. Yesterday after I had finished my thoughts, new thoughts and feelings came to my mind and validated for me that my old process still works. I was finally able to let some things go and feel more relief and a little bit of clarity. I guess I just had to formally do some housekeeping in my mind and spirit.
Clarity for me was realizing that my passion is more than just helping others help themselves (empowerment and self-efficacy), it's about understanding why things are they way they are and then following up with the question or questions of just because it is this or that way, should it be and depending on the answer what needs to be done differently and how do we get there (research and challenging authority and the status quo). It's also about removing or eliminating barriers (equality); making things that are wrong - right, again, or right, now (social justice); and teaching others about these things so they can go forth and carry things on.
Some of this can be done through counseling and the approach I try to take in helping people identify and use their tools and strengths to help themselves and make the changes they want in their life, as well as through empowering people to believe they can do it and that they have the skills to do it (self-efficacy). Yet I want to do more, working on a direct level isn't where my passion lies. I know anything I put my mind and heart into, I am good at. Over the past day, I am finally recalling why I made the choice in the past to go into direct practice, instead of going straight into policy or "PAC". I needed to understand the practical, real-world piece of being in the direct practice trenches in order to be able to make more informed decisions and choices when I finally reached a position of influence and leadership. I've been gaining this experience, at times painfully, over the past 1.5 years. I am now becoming aware of how it will help me do what I want to do in the future. I want to run my own business, I want to make policy changes, I want to do research, I want to teach, I want to do things on more of mezzo and macro level and not just at the micro level.
Yes these things are all possible to do as a social worker, that's why I love this profession, yet unfortunately, there isn't the pay or influence in just being a social worker and I don't see that changing anytime in the near-term (for many reasons, political and professional - a conversation for another posting, another time). I want to do not only well professionally, I also want to be able to make a decent and sustainable wages and benefits for my family as well, something I'm really struggling with as a social worker. For some, it may seem that I'm being haughty or prideful; myself I see it as I'm being realistic and pragmatic, something I've generally always been good at. I realize somethings need to change and only I can create this change that I am desiring. I feel I need something more from outside of my profession in order to make the changes I feel are needed to this profession and other areas.
A wise family-member-to-be said to me recently, you've got to have a specific job in mind before you take on any more advanced education and I've been working on developing that job in my head. I'm not ready to put to much down on paper yet as it is still in its infancy. I know I am good at working with children and to some extent their families. I am able to use my skills to be genuine and honest which allows people to open up and be themselves. I have become a better listener and have become more perceptive to what people bring to me below the surface of their words. I can bring people together and I can also drive them apart. I can calm down a situation as well as energize it up. I can move about different groups and cultures and people and be culturally sensitive, respectful, and mindful. I love to learn and try out new things and I have a head for numbers and facts. I am able to create processes and procedures and I'm very intuitive when it comes to computer software/programs. It's taking my life experiences and those of some of my family members and using them to guide me through processes These are things honed from a variety of life and work experiences and things that make me, me. The job I have and will do will allow me to use all these things and more. I have a feeling, a sense if you will about the type of job to pursue, the details of it will come to me the more I prepare. I am confident and feeling strongly that in order to do these things and more, I need to go back to college for some additional, specific training.
I've resolved myself to doing what I need to do to get through the next couple of years in order to get my finances further in order so I can go back to school. I've decided that I will keep doing what little I can to create change at my work place for things that I feel will make me a better therapist/counselor, yet at the same time sit with things the way they are and not take it personal anymore; be like water flowing off of a duck's back. I will set and hold to more firm boundaries regarding my family and personal time that I will not set aside just because someone else has a need at work. I can be flexible, but there is such a thing as being too flexible and that is where I have been. I will also keep looking at options to see if other things that come up job wise will be a better fit for me and my family and our needs, but I won't let it consume me. If I don't find anything, that's okay too. No matter what, I am going to keep the focus on getting my two+ years of clinical supervision and work through the games and challenges of working for community mental health/behavioral health providers and move on. I am going to be more focused on networking and growing my professional contacts, especially since this may be the only way I can find another job during this down economy.
I feel like I am shedding the weight of the past that has surrounded me for the longest time. I am growing and developing, which has been very painful and like anything else that needs to be refined, what must occur in order to create and make better.
My musings have ended for the moment.
Note to self: I will have to print out part of this post and put it up on my wall at home to remind me of what it is I am doing and my purpose. I need to find a picture of water coming off of a duck to remind me :-) as well.
Me
Clarity for me was realizing that my passion is more than just helping others help themselves (empowerment and self-efficacy), it's about understanding why things are they way they are and then following up with the question or questions of just because it is this or that way, should it be and depending on the answer what needs to be done differently and how do we get there (research and challenging authority and the status quo). It's also about removing or eliminating barriers (equality); making things that are wrong - right, again, or right, now (social justice); and teaching others about these things so they can go forth and carry things on.
Some of this can be done through counseling and the approach I try to take in helping people identify and use their tools and strengths to help themselves and make the changes they want in their life, as well as through empowering people to believe they can do it and that they have the skills to do it (self-efficacy). Yet I want to do more, working on a direct level isn't where my passion lies. I know anything I put my mind and heart into, I am good at. Over the past day, I am finally recalling why I made the choice in the past to go into direct practice, instead of going straight into policy or "PAC". I needed to understand the practical, real-world piece of being in the direct practice trenches in order to be able to make more informed decisions and choices when I finally reached a position of influence and leadership. I've been gaining this experience, at times painfully, over the past 1.5 years. I am now becoming aware of how it will help me do what I want to do in the future. I want to run my own business, I want to make policy changes, I want to do research, I want to teach, I want to do things on more of mezzo and macro level and not just at the micro level.
Yes these things are all possible to do as a social worker, that's why I love this profession, yet unfortunately, there isn't the pay or influence in just being a social worker and I don't see that changing anytime in the near-term (for many reasons, political and professional - a conversation for another posting, another time). I want to do not only well professionally, I also want to be able to make a decent and sustainable wages and benefits for my family as well, something I'm really struggling with as a social worker. For some, it may seem that I'm being haughty or prideful; myself I see it as I'm being realistic and pragmatic, something I've generally always been good at. I realize somethings need to change and only I can create this change that I am desiring. I feel I need something more from outside of my profession in order to make the changes I feel are needed to this profession and other areas.
A wise family-member-to-be said to me recently, you've got to have a specific job in mind before you take on any more advanced education and I've been working on developing that job in my head. I'm not ready to put to much down on paper yet as it is still in its infancy. I know I am good at working with children and to some extent their families. I am able to use my skills to be genuine and honest which allows people to open up and be themselves. I have become a better listener and have become more perceptive to what people bring to me below the surface of their words. I can bring people together and I can also drive them apart. I can calm down a situation as well as energize it up. I can move about different groups and cultures and people and be culturally sensitive, respectful, and mindful. I love to learn and try out new things and I have a head for numbers and facts. I am able to create processes and procedures and I'm very intuitive when it comes to computer software/programs. It's taking my life experiences and those of some of my family members and using them to guide me through processes These are things honed from a variety of life and work experiences and things that make me, me. The job I have and will do will allow me to use all these things and more. I have a feeling, a sense if you will about the type of job to pursue, the details of it will come to me the more I prepare. I am confident and feeling strongly that in order to do these things and more, I need to go back to college for some additional, specific training.
I've resolved myself to doing what I need to do to get through the next couple of years in order to get my finances further in order so I can go back to school. I've decided that I will keep doing what little I can to create change at my work place for things that I feel will make me a better therapist/counselor, yet at the same time sit with things the way they are and not take it personal anymore; be like water flowing off of a duck's back. I will set and hold to more firm boundaries regarding my family and personal time that I will not set aside just because someone else has a need at work. I can be flexible, but there is such a thing as being too flexible and that is where I have been. I will also keep looking at options to see if other things that come up job wise will be a better fit for me and my family and our needs, but I won't let it consume me. If I don't find anything, that's okay too. No matter what, I am going to keep the focus on getting my two+ years of clinical supervision and work through the games and challenges of working for community mental health/behavioral health providers and move on. I am going to be more focused on networking and growing my professional contacts, especially since this may be the only way I can find another job during this down economy.
I feel like I am shedding the weight of the past that has surrounded me for the longest time. I am growing and developing, which has been very painful and like anything else that needs to be refined, what must occur in order to create and make better.
My musings have ended for the moment.
Note to self: I will have to print out part of this post and put it up on my wall at home to remind me of what it is I am doing and my purpose. I need to find a picture of water coming off of a duck to remind me :-) as well.
Me
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