Fighting for something bigger than me?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011 by The Traveler
The thought came to me again and again, how hard must I keep fighting, why won't people do anything. I am so tired of this. Am I doing the right thing, going in the right direction?
My son needs an evaluation, if not treatment, for the behaviors that got him into trouble back in December 2009. I've been asking, questioning, talking, and trying with nothing more done, than to for a treatment "professional" to finally say okay - he needs to see a specific provider. Now we are back to the damn waiting game for said specific provider to call us back. Maddening part is my child may be losing his health insurance in the middle of all of this, so then we are back to where we were over a year ago. I just don't know if I have the fight within me to see that he gets help so he might have a better life, full of choices and opportunities, a future. I wonder if it is even worth it or if I should just forget and try to move on. I don't know the answer anymore.
When I signed up to be a parent 14 years ago, no where in my readings and conversations with others, did it come up about how hard and long of a fight things could be if you have a child with multiple levels of special needs. I thought I was going to have the most perfect child after all, I had prenatal care, ate well, didn't drink or smoke, worked regularly, was in good health. No one discussed our family's genetics, mental health issues, and learning disabilities, it was just presumed that since me and my other siblings grew up "okay", all our children would be fine. Unfortunately that was not the case and here I am looking back and thinking about the future.
When is it okay as a parent to settle? When is it okay to just say I guess we tried, let's move on, hope for the best? When is it time to say, let's keep at it?
I don't know anymore and am almost too tired to care. Meaning, I need more time to think.
Me
My son needs an evaluation, if not treatment, for the behaviors that got him into trouble back in December 2009. I've been asking, questioning, talking, and trying with nothing more done, than to for a treatment "professional" to finally say okay - he needs to see a specific provider. Now we are back to the damn waiting game for said specific provider to call us back. Maddening part is my child may be losing his health insurance in the middle of all of this, so then we are back to where we were over a year ago. I just don't know if I have the fight within me to see that he gets help so he might have a better life, full of choices and opportunities, a future. I wonder if it is even worth it or if I should just forget and try to move on. I don't know the answer anymore.
When I signed up to be a parent 14 years ago, no where in my readings and conversations with others, did it come up about how hard and long of a fight things could be if you have a child with multiple levels of special needs. I thought I was going to have the most perfect child after all, I had prenatal care, ate well, didn't drink or smoke, worked regularly, was in good health. No one discussed our family's genetics, mental health issues, and learning disabilities, it was just presumed that since me and my other siblings grew up "okay", all our children would be fine. Unfortunately that was not the case and here I am looking back and thinking about the future.
When is it okay as a parent to settle? When is it okay to just say I guess we tried, let's move on, hope for the best? When is it time to say, let's keep at it?
I don't know anymore and am almost too tired to care. Meaning, I need more time to think.
Me
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