Walking the Long Road

I'm tired!

I finally got work hours changed and my field placement changed. But now I'm back to work problems.

I've got the opportunity for growth and more (groan) change or the opportunity to do more of the same and play it safe for a while.

With all the changes - daily, if not hourly - I'm tired. But my thoughts keep circling - do I have the stamina, courage, and perseverance to go ahead and try something new/different or is it a time to play it safe and regroup.

Neither my current job at work or the new position I can apply for will guarantee longevity or security. However, a change will give me more skills and no change will leave me with energy to look outside.

I want a crystal ball, I want the answers, I want surety.
Such is my life.
Me

Well, it's official. I am getting to be a pro at handling crises with my family - specifically my kids.

Sunday afternoon was really nice (perfect) weather, so all of us were working on the yard pulling weeds and making it look presentable to the neighborhood again (hey, they were only 2 feet tall across the rock this time). When it was all done, the kids and I started playing basketball and shooting hoops out front, in the driveway.

Well, Derek made another lay-up, about the 40th one or so he had done that afternoon, but this time when he went off to a side of the hoop, ran in to a nice (rather large size) rock holding down the base of the basketball hoop, and then made a loop back towards the driveway hopping on one leg.

Mind you, when I saw what he did and how he was hopping, I already knew one of two things happened. A) broken bone or B) large cut/gash. Guess what - I was right - answer B - 1" deep gash to his right shin.

Well, let me tell you what happened next. Derek sat down in a lawn chair that was out on the driveway, looked down at his leg, and proceeded to scream, cry, and generally lose it (can you say he doesn't like the sight of blood?).

So here I am out there with all 3 kids (wouldn't you know it that Todd and Ken had just gone inside the house about 5 min prior to the accident) with one freaking out, and the other two starting to freak out because big brother was freaking out. So what do I do, I calmly grab Derek's leg, push together the leg muscle and skin on either side of the cut (to slow/staunch the bleeding), and quite calmly, but firmly call out "Derek, Derek..." until I got his attention.

It was weird, all of a sudden he stopped mid cry, looked at me, and then I was able to tell him to give me his hands, which he did after a moment or two. I took his hands and then I put them where I had had my hands and I told him to sit there and hold it. I would be right back. He did that and I went in to the house, hollered for Todd to take care of the other two kids because Derek was hurt, and once he went outside to get them, I went in and grabbed the first aid kit. Then I took and bandaged Derek up and we came back in the house so I could then find some kind of facility open (it happened at 5:45pm).

So I spent the next 20 min finding something open, hoping to save the cost & trip to the ER, and one office said they would check it out and let me know if they could or could not do it. So I had Derek grab a quick bite to nosh on in the car and we were off. After a bit of a drive to another part of town, they got him back in the triage area, where the dr. looked at it and said it was too deep (too many layers of damage) - plus because it went down to the bone, he'd need an x-ray to be certain nothing got chipped.

So I got my re-bandaged Derek back into the car and drove him to the ER (one w/a kids unit). We got there and Derek was so witty and funny. He was pointing out different things and was making all kinds of comments. My favorite of the night was when the nurse was doing triage he pointed out the smiling face pain poster - noting the expressions between 1 and 10 - and calmly, with a straight face pointed out, "I think I'm about a five. That's about right." It was all I could do (the way he said and did it) not to bust out laughing. I just said to the nurse it is so much easier when they can talk!

So Derek and I hung out for a while, the nurse and doctor checked him out and explained what they would need to do. When the dr. mentioned he would get an injection of pain medicine - he just about lost it (he HATES needles) and then be stitched up. So he and I devised a plan where he would squeeze my hand as hard and as long as possible each time he hurt. He squeezed my hand a lot, but he made it through the process - and he didn't even kick the dr. :-)

He got a total of 12 stitches, 4 on the inside and 8 on the outside. Plus he got to have an x-ray. Fortunately, the x-ray showed no damage or chips so all he had to get were the stitches. So after 3 hours at the hospital, I got to take my Derek home - well, to his dad's house and run over the routine and wound care. Derek was so tired (so was I), but he was glad to see his dad and show off his handy work.

What's funny is he told Louis, all happy and excited, that he was catching up to his little brother in stitches - and all I wanted to do was groan (I don't need a stitches contest between those two).

So that is how I started off this week. :-)
I hope it goes more gentle.
Me

So what do you think of the following conversation with my boss:

I was called into one of the conference rooms at work on a Friday - in the middle of my shift - and asked the following 4 questions (and in the middle of it, he pulls out his blackberry and starts reading email...):

1Q) My boss wanted to know if it would be possible for me to start working 10am to 7pm.
1a) I told him no, I went to school in the morning and did field work from 8am until 12:30p each day. Then I come straight to work. This was the scheduled I arranged after I found out they were going to put me on the 1p-10p shift.

2Q) Then he asked me if I was happy and liked doing my job.
2a) I told him yes, except when I get frustrated when the computer systems slows down or crashes. Otherwise I love my job.

3Q) Then he asked me I would be interested in doing something else in the company like admin or ARS (support sales role).
3a) I told him not really. I had come from an administrative assistant job and wasn't really interested in doing that again. I also told him I didn't think there were any support jobs in sales that has my hours.

4Q) Lastly, he asked me if there was enough work in my current job to have someone here until 10pm.
4a) I told him that I was busy until at least 9pm. There are ads/work flow that I need to assign and manage as well as, problems that needed to be resolved before the next shift in the am. He asked me then if some of those problems could be handled by the first person in the morning, and I said some of them could, but not all. It would depend on the type of work.

WTF!!!! I was so rattled Friday, it was all I could do not to leave and go home. But I stuck it out and now am thinking.

After a lot of soul searching and reflection - - - Basically, my final read/take on the situation is this:
1) Our area desperately needs a 4th person to cover days off, middle of the day shifts, etc., but since the latest round of layoffs, that isn't going to happen.
2) The two ladies who work in the morning are bitching and whining because they are "so busy" and need another person during the morning. Yet it's okay for me to run solo at deadline time so they can go home w/o any worries (5-7pm are deadlines and cleanup and one is scheduled off at 4:30p and the other at 5:30p).
3) They are getting ready to get rid of or scale back further the 2nd shift experiment they made all of us work through/apply for back in June of this year.

So basically, he was fishing me out (I've been a manager and around the blocks a few times - and ding-ding, I'm not stupid) to check and see if he could cover his bases and by asking if I could work earlier hours and since I can't he wouldn't feel guilty about finding someone to replace me and have them work the new hours.

Once he's covered his bases (ass) - he and HR basically will let me go, but make it look like I quit, and they wouldn't have to pay me a dime or any severance. How's that, because they would find someone to work my shift because I couldn't and of course they would "offer" me something else, somewhere else, with incompatible hours, which I would be forced to turn down.

I hate the paper. I hate my boss. I so need my 4 year degree!!!

My immediate supervisor is a snake, a brownnoser, who doesn't know how to do anything but go to meetings and be a yes-man, who has his pets, and last of all, someone who doesn't like me.

I know he's pissed off at me still because earlier this summer, I went to his old boss and reported on him, because of the favoritism he shows his pets in the department - i.e. takes one of the other 2 gals in my department to lunch all the time, buys her and the other gal Starbucks in the morning, offers event tickets to his pets and no one else (unless he gets caught)- and because he basically gave me a poor evaluation and with nothing to back up the rating (so his boss made him write a real evaluation which totally torqued him off-but at least I got a real one!).

Once his boss was let go in the middle of last month, I knew something was going to change. So, I'm covering my bases by dealing w/my school field problem and also finding out if I can switch classes and hours (to the pm)- which I'm positive I can the field scheduled, but not maybe the class hours. Then my plan of action is to talk to a former manager/friend and see what support role she has open in her area. If she doesn't have anything, then I'll go back to my boss w/my hours of availability (being the earliest shift - 7:30 to 4:30 and the gal that works that shift-she has no kids, nothing else, but doesn't like to work later cause she's an early bird and a reason I'm being hosed). If neither of those plans of attacks have traction, then I will apply (at a pay cut of course) outside of the company to either 1st or 3rd shift.

So I've got a lot riding right now, several plans of action, and I talked w/Todd. My education is our 1st priority, we cannot get anything or anywhere w/o it. Even if I make it through and they keep the 2nd shift at work, the layoffs are going to happen again and I can't wait and put my education on the back burner again. It's time to do it. So we are looking at making it happen and still survive. It's rough and I just want to cry and give up, but I've got too much riding on me to do so.

More later when I have more info.
Me

I'm extremely frustrated right now. I'm in my 7th week of field and I feel torn in two directions - do I play it safe, put blinders on, and make it to graduation next May or do I stand up for what I believe in, not be taken advantage of, but possibly lose a lot of internship hours and my current placement, and risk not graduating in May.

I'm so frustrated and tired of living with constant knots in my stomach directly related to the circumstances of my field placement. It is taking everything I have each morning to get up and go in to my field placement. I'm beginning to seriously doubt this is what I want to do - but every other part of my being screams at me - YES, you want to be a social worker, there has to be a solution!

Here's a copy of the letter I sent via email Thursday, 10/02/08, to my Faculty Liaison at my university (in addition to two voicemails). I've still not heard a response from my liaison, so I will try again for the forth time on Monday to reach them or someone else in the university.

Problem 1) When I interviewed for my field placement, received orientation, and program orientation, I was not told that transporting clients in my personal vehicle would be a required job function. It was mentioned several times, during the before mentioned interactions, that a need may occasionally arise, where I may need to transport a client, but those would be very infrequent.

However, since the second week of my field placement, I have been asked repeatedly by various people in the agency, to drive (and have driven) clients numerous times. I have been actively trying to find a solution to this problem, however, nothing is working. I brought up my concern in my field class and the professor and students had several suggestions which I have tried (such as politely declining, informing my supervisor, etc.).

However, nothing has changed or improved. Now this week my supervisor assigned me my first case, where in order for me to assist the client, I will need to drive the client and a minor child to various appointments.

I'm extremely frustrated right now. Had it been made clear from the beginning, at my first interview with the agency, that driving clients in my own vehicle was common practice and would be required, not optional, I would not have taken the placement.
1) I cannot afford the additional insurance coverage to adequately protect me and my passengers should something untoward happen while driving;
2) I only have 1 working vehicle for my family to use right now;
3) I have limited funds to cover fuel, vehicle maintenance, and insurance for my family (I am the sole supporter of 5 people as well as a full-time
student) and doing the additional driving is financially impacting my family;
and 4) I have strong reservations and concerns about my own personal safety.

Problem 2) I was informed Wednesday that my agency supervisor is leaving and her last day is tomorrow, October 3, 2008. With my supervisor leaving, I am at a loss of what to do in general, much less with my driving concerns.

I'll post more when I know more, but I'm tired of this stress and frustration.